Beware: Watch your "Social Media Back"

Social Media can be a great thing. It can also be quite unsettling. It can leave you vulnerable. I don't often talk about my past. Not that it was bad or because I did anything crazy. There are parts of ones life that are raw, unresolved and therefore go unspoken. That is until through the beauty of social media they hit you smack dab in the face.

In high school I met & fell in love with Tom a very smart and handsome young man. I was head over heels crazy in love. Of course, hormones took over and at 18 I gave birth to our daughter. Yes, there was s shotgun wedding. Back in the day that's what we did. Sadly, I wasn't the only girl on the block to wind up in that situation. After a very tumultuous two years, this union which was doomed from the get go, came to a crashing halt. While I'll spare you the details, it took me several years to recover from the heartbreak. It took me 18 years to fall in love again.

That chapter had long been closed until I received several anonymous emails telling me that my first husband had passed away several months earlier. It had been nearly three decades since we had spoken, a lifetime ago. He had moved on with his life and I with mine. I remembered him as a vibrant young man and was sad to learn his life ended. He and my daughter never had a real relationship. It had been over 25 years since he had contacted her. I don't even know if he knew he had two grand children. They were never mentioned or recognized in his obituary. His family never had a relationship with my daughter and never met my grand children. Probably didn't even know they existed. We are all o.k. with that.

Now, for the unsettling part. This week someone named Charlotte (who we don't know) posted her condolences on his legacy guest book. She included a photo of my daughter (which Charlotte used as her avatar) and one of my grand-daughters. She used the photos as if they were hers. She did not mention that the avatar she posted was not her and that the girls had nothing to do with her. Both photos have been cropped & edited from a recent photo that was taken of my entire family for Parade Magazine (including my husband of the past 18 years who raised the kids w/me). It's downright creepy.

I can't imagine why someone who we don't know would do this. It serves no purpose. It could certainly be hurtful to his mom, sisters and son. While they know he had a "First Family" we have long been out of their lives and long forgotten. Chapter closed. I have googled "Charlotte" in Land O' Lakes until my fingers went numb. Surprisingly, "Charlotte" does not exist! Then who? Who would feel compelled to do such a thing? Sometimes, the past should be just that. The past.

While I may never know who "Charlotte" is, I think there is a valuable lesson here. You have got to "Watch you Social Media Back" ... People can steal your likeness and use it for anything. They can "edit" your life to fit theirs.

Here's what "Charlotte" wrote:

September 28, 2011
My thoughts and prayer are with your family today Tom. I've just recently learned of your passing. You possessed a spirit that always gave and seldom asked for return. You continue live on in the heart and soul of your diverse and very large family, your multitude of friends from all walks of life, and in the beautiful children and their children you created. Your life and all which it stood for should never be forgotten. May peace surround us all until we meet again.

Charlotte

Happy Valentines Day

2010 had more ups and downs than a Craftmatic bed at the Bunny Ranch

2010 was a year of highs, lows, heartbreak, obstacles and challenges. It was the best and worst. It was the year I learned what I was made of.

The lessons of 2010

Blessings sometimes come disguised as heartbreak.

It was a year with great loss. It began and ended with the passing of loved ones. My dear friend Renee in January, my father in December. I learned that when someone leaves this earth their memory lives on within you, in your thoughts and in your actions. They are never far away.

Laughter is as important to my well being as the air I breathe.

Facing fear never gets easier. I did things I thought I could never do. We moved the entire family, four generation into one house. That in itself was a challenge. Overcoming being squeamish to care for the physical needs of my father is something I never thought I could do, yet I did. Managing to keep joy and laughter in your life when facing impending death while a challenge is not impossible. My dad inspired me every day. He had so many obstacles to deal with just to get through a day, yet he did it with a smile and gratitude.

Not everyone will like me no matter how much I wish they would.

The disillusion of friendship. I learned that misunderstandings can't always be repaired no matter how much you had hoped they would be.

Forgiveness is imperative to moving forward.

Not to rush to judgement. Some of the best surprises of 2010 were things I would have missed out on if I had never explored beyond my initial impression.

Passion is the lifeblood of creativity.

The labyrinth always leads back to the people you respect and care about.

Love, It's that simple.

All in all, it was a very good year. Looking forward to a great 2011. Happy New Year!




























All in all, it was a very good year.

My Dad ... Forever in my heart

At 3:10 am this morning, surrounded by family, embraced by love and laughter, my father passed away.

It has been a year of many ups and downs highs and lows. There were so many times that the doctors had little hope that my dad would pull through yet somehow he always managed. This year was a "bonus" round, a blessing in every sense of the word.

We learned to work together as a family, four generations under one roof. Not an easy task, but it was such a privilege to have my dad at home with us. Our common goal of his well being and comfort far outweighed any of our personal differences.

He was a man of courage and extraordinary will. He reminded me of the Incredible Oz. Only until you looked behind the curtain, did you realize truly how frail he truly was.

Kenneth David McKenna was a husband to my mom Betty for 59 years. He was a dad, grandfather and great-grandfather. He lit up a room and had a sense of humor that was larger than life. As a family we laughed a lot and he was the conductor. Good times and bad we always managed to see a silver lining.

So in his last hours we remembered the good times. As we sat at his bedside we all shared funny memories and the laughs we had throughout the years. He smiled. We smiled through our tears, laughter and love filled the room as we said our good-byes.

Losing someone you love is never easy. Today, my heart is heavy, and I'm overwhelmed by sadness and an endless stream of tears. This isn't the end of my father. He shall live on in our hearts, our memories and in the stories I will continue to share.

His favorite time of year was Christmas. He always did it up big. So we couldn't pass up the Santa Snuggie we found last week. It only seemed fitting. It was his last photo taken just days ago, with a smile that could light up a city block.

I love you dad.

Dave Koz .. we talked music, family, travel and of course cookies!!

Dodging Bullets

I lost a wonderful and very dear friend to breast cancer this year. She never once said "Why Me?" I have several other friends who are fighting valiant battles now. No complaints from them, all amazing incredibly brave ladies doing what they have to do with dignity and grace. I'm no different, not special, so every year when I get the results back from my annual mammogram and it's good, I feel as though I've dodged a bullet.

My dad has had pneumonia four times in the past year and a half. He almost died twice. He has been in and out of hospitals, he has a traich, a catheter and is on oxygen 24/7. He has amazed doctors with his resilience and sheer will to live. We brought him home to my house a year ago this month. Doctors were not optimistic and we counted everyday with him as a blessing There have been tears but mostly laughter. That's what we do in our family. Face anything and everything head on with a joke and a belly laugh and pie.

Today, I write this from Room 3115 where my dad is battling his 5th go round of pneumonia. When he arrived by ambulance a few days ago doctors thought he might be in for just a couple days, a "Tune-Up" if you will. Last night, was a bad night. He couldn't catch his breath. He's scared. The treatment has gotten more aggressive, his oxygen need is increasing and his breathing more labored. He's not eating. He's been here before and always come out of it. I never try to count him out, after all he has amazed us all so many times before. Yet, somehow this time feels different. So we wait, and hope and continue to pray. Does he have the strength to dodge another bullet?

New Season Starts Now: Midlife Road Trip